Exodus 33:18-20 "And Moses said, “Please, show me Your glory.” Then God said, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” But He said, “You cannot see My face; for no man shall see Me, and live.”
I understand in many ways this portion of scripture means something different than what it does to me today. I read this point of view in a great book (title of which I sadly cannot recall at this moment) and this point of view...is totally where I'm at today. I need so badly to see the face of God. To hear Him louder than EVER before. To feel the warmth of His embrace as often as I once did. Hear His heartbeat so clearly that my heart begins to beat in tune with His. The hunger for MORE of the Lord is growing and overtaking me....I am once again realizing just how desperate for HIM I really am. I am not "becoming desperate" I think we all live there...it's a matter of looking it in the face and dying to myself enough to say "God, I am NOTHING without you!"
I can honestly say that these times of feeling so empty and hungry often lead me to amazing new experiences with the Lord. The more I run to Him, run after Him and do so without ceasing the more I want of Him. He is such an amazing BrideGroom and I canNOT get enough of HIM. His love overwhelms me! His grace leaves me in awe. His faithfulness and willingness to forgive and FORGET send me to my knees in tears. I want MORE...I feel as if life is not liveable without MORE. Life without MORE is so empty regardless of how "full" my days feel....without the fullness of my God manifested...I have nothing! He is my ALL and ALL!
As I've been crying out, seeking His face, and pressing in He is coming nearer. God of the universe is coming closer to me as I seek to be closer to Him. AMAZING! Leaves me in tears and without words...
However, the nearer He comes, the more my flesh is revealed...and it is horribly ugly and dirty. Selfish, prideful, unforgiving, too unbelieving, unthankful,....when our flesh is coming closer to His Glory....the Refining Fire starts to burn hotter than any fire I've ever felt. And yet, deep within my being, I have peace. Peace that truly passes understanding. I trust HIM! In my heart....deep within my soul....I trust my JESUS! And that is enough....He gave up His life for me....I can chose to lay my life down daily for Him! I must!
As I've been listening to Abba's sweet voice I've heard Him ask some things of me that I am honestly scared to obey....very. BUT even more scared to disobey! (I pray often for more fear of God to fill me! so the "scared" is not the bad meaning often used in wordly terms) I am blessed to be so hungry for HIM that even the seemingly hardest request from the mouth of my Maker MUST be obeyed.
There are things, habits, attitudes,heart issues...in the way of me seeing HIS FACE....I can't live like that. I can't live without HIM. More of HIM!
Tomorrow starts day one of my "training" and "reckoning myself dead" DAILY (not just when it seems like the holy thing to do etc). To have the fullness of God manifested in my life, heart,marriage, relationships, I have to give God the fullness of me....ALL of me. Even those things that I thought I'd never be able to let go of. The commands I never thought I could obey. The character flaws I figured I'd always have just cause they are "me"....DIE!
I die so that I may live...to die is gain and to live is CHRIST! Life lived any other way is POINTLESS and WASTED.
So Lord....I lay down my life. I repent for holding back those things you've revealed to me. I repent for not trusting Your strength to help me gain victory. I repent for not living a life truly thankful of all you've done for me. My actions have shown that too well. Forgive me for taking my salvation for granted. I never want to do that again Daddy. I must decrease Lord so that you may increase! More of YOU and less of me!!!! Thank you for being my strength and ever present help in time of trouble. Your warm open arms of love are there for me to run to and Lord...I'm running! I love you Abba! You are such an amazing God....words cannot describe.....help me obey one step at a time. Only by grace can this ever be done.....
Here we go.......less of me and MORE OF HIM! I will SEE HIS FACE!
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